A meaningful and beautiful way to become a mother.

Because it had not yet been written, and I needed it for bringing up my own children. When we went to collect our children I was moved by the stories of their past. I wondered, if their stories affected me in this way, how much more would they affect my children eventually? For this reason I wanted to know what the best way would be of telling my children their adoption stories and how I could best help them to come to terms with their adoption related grief in the course of time.

I studied Dutch Language and Literature; my main subject was ‘Communication’. Alongside this I studied the subsidiary subject of ‘Developmental Psychology’. After my studies (1981 –1987), I began to work as a freelance writer, advisor and conversation coach. Thus communication has always been ‘my’ subject. In order to write ‘Adoption Conversations’ I did a lot of research in America and Europe. I read a lot of books by adoption specialists. I based my insights on my communication profession and the knowledge gained during my research. In addition I have come to know many adoptive parents via internet groups, who have shared their experiences with me. With their permission I have also been able to use their examples.

Three. All three of them were born in China.

Yes. The sequel is published by BAAF in may 2010. It is titled 'More Adoption Conversations'. It is written for adoptive and foster parents with teenagers. Here in the Netherlands part two was published in 2008. More information about the sequel you can find here.

Writing and parenting are an ideal combination for me. Due to the fact that there are only a set number of hours in which I can write, I retain inspiration every day. This means that I always begin a new working day enthusiastically. Writing also gives me a lot of energy. I love the fact that I never have to attend meetings, or get stuck in traffic, and that I am always on time to get to school to pick up my children.

I am always highly aware of the pitfalls in bringing up children; but this alone is, sadly, not enough to guarantee a good upbringing… I am only human, and there are as many incidents in my life that I don’t foresee and that can make me feel unhappy or frustrated. So, just as everyone else, I have periods in my life during which I have less energy. But if I do make ‘mistakes’ I try to be approachable about them. I think that is important. In this way the children learn that everyone makes mistakes from time to time, and that you can learn from these.

A cuddle or belly laugh from my husband or one of my children. The first day of spring. An hour or three of typing at my keyboard, developing a new insight, feeling inspiration flow. These are what give me roots and wings.