how, when and what to tell children
by Renée Wolfs
When shall I begin to discuss the adoption? Should I tell my child her mother was a drug addict? What do I do if my child is angry and says that we are not his real parents? How do I handle hurtful comments made by my child’s friends or other adults? How do I find out what my child is really going through inside? What exactly should we tell to children about their adoption story? And at what age?
This in-depth practical guide explores the questions adopted children are likely to ask, with suggestions for helpful explanations and answers. Looking at different age groups in turn, the author provides a wealth of suggestions for possible dialogue with adopted children.
Although the guide focuses primarily on children adopted from abroad, the practical advice offered can be helpful with any adopted child. Adoption Conversations considers:
- how and when to tell your child their adoption story;
- common fears children have about adoption;
- advice on sharing particularly difficult information with your child;
- useful conversation techniques;
- how to help your child deal with grief and anger;
- how to respond to questions from your child, family, friends, and othersin your community.
Written by an adoptive parent for adoptive parents, and brimming with practical advice, this book will help you discuss the known –or unknown-aspects of your adopted child’s past and be well equipped to communicate difficult issues.
Renée Wolfs lives near Utrecht, the Netherlands. She specializes in communication, counseling and grief. She is also the author of ‘More adoption conversations‘ (BAAF). Both books are popular among many families of adopted and foster children. Next winter her new book will be published at Jessica Kingsley Publishers:‘Healing from Loss after Adoption or Fostercare’. She writes columns and articles in adoption magazines and is an adoptive mother of three teenagers.
Reviews on Amazon about Adoption Conversations:
A brilliant book for carers and professionals
I am an adoption practitioner, and have ploughed through many books that are well intentioned but impossible to recommend to parents. This book is brilliant and a breath of fresh air – I always recommend it to parents, and probably ought to be on commission. It takes a developmental approach to thinking about the types of conversations that might arise at different ages, and helps carers to think about appropriate ways to deal with very tricky issues according to the age and understanding of the child. Different narratives for different ages. An obvious point perhaps but one that is hard to manage in practice. It is a very sensible book that keeps its sound scientific basis to itself, for the sake of clarity, rather than flaunting half-baked pseudo-scientific ideas like so many others do, and so focuses on practical advice rather than ideology. Ideology may sound like an odd word to use in this context, but as you read the mountains of daft and contradictory books for adoptive parents you soon get a nose for unhelpful and often very unscientific pseudoscientific ideology. It’s a great book, sensitively written and I am really looking forward to getting hold of its follow up for teenagers.
I ordered this after reading its successor “More adoption conversations”, aimed at helping an adopter talk to an older child/teenager which I was really impressed with . This book dealing with children upto say 8 or 9 is just as I hoped- practical , intuitive but evidence based- cannot recommend highly enough.Worth buying and keeping as I know I will come back to the techniques and strategies at different times .
This is a well written book. The author is clear and offers up solid advice and shares a great insight.
Found book to be really helpful.
The Dutch press on Adoption Conversations
“This is definitely a book to keep on hand so you can immediately read the chapters that apply to your child at any particular moment. This is made quite simple, too, as everything has been organized according to age group. … Adoption Conversations will certainly earn its spurs among the existing books on adoption and will help adoptive parents through difficult times, which in turn can only be good for the children.” – from the magazine World Children(magazine for adoptive parents)
“This book is brimming with practical advice. The title “Adoption Conversations” says it all: the reader is presented with complete, ready-made discussions and all kinds of scenarios.” – from Mobiel (magazine for foster parents)
“Through her own experiences and through contacts with other adoptive parents, Renée Wolfs knows exactly which issues adoptive parents face while their children are growing up. Her approach to these issues is so practical, so exciting that I had to suppress the urge to start talking immediately with my own (adopted) children about some of the discussion points.” – from the Adoption Magazine (magazine for all people involved in adoption)
My books are available on Amazon and several other international online booksellers. Amazon-sites in other country’s also offer new and second hand buying choices.
To order the book through Bol.com (Netherlands, Belgium, Europe), please click here